WatchingTedLasso

20,460 vertical feet from Monday night to Saturday afternoon. At Expert Level. Clock time: 10 hours 55 Minutes. Average MPH about 19. I could look up how many miles it took me to climb that as well, and maybe I will and come back to update this piece. But for now, it doesn’t matter. Or, as CDE so succinctly put it in one of the many rides this past week, “Fuck the numbers.” Indeed, CDE. The numbers are epic. I’m duly impressed with my improvement in a cycling skill that I’m still honing.

The completion of yet another challenge has become almost ordinary in my world. They roll around every few months and I happily take them on. I’ve documented each time that I don’t do it alone – I ride alongside an Army of amazingly encouraging humans. The group chat is hysterical, loving & occasionally curse-filled (by yours truly, of course). However, we each spin our own set of pedals to reach our goals. In this case, our Summit. We each have to dig deep inside ourselves when our bodies and minds are screaming at us. We push past the pain and doubt and even the folks in our lives who openly wonder why we do what we do. But most of all, we don’t quit. Not on each other and, in turn, not ourselves.

That’s what’s extraordinary for me, personally. The Why. We are all handed things in life that we have no choice in dealing with and I am certainly no exception. Widowhood is an ongoing climb that I may never truly Summit. It’s part of me in a way I never wanted and wouldn’t wish upon anyone. I cannot change it, but I can do something. Something positive to unstick myself from the mire.

These challenges help me catalyze the frustration at the ongoing process I’ve begun to describe here. The cycle of sleepless nights feeding the brain fog, the brain fog feeding the desperation for more sleep, to truly rest. Rest my mind and body, and heart and soul, and spirit. The absolutely unrelenting and never ending tasks that simply living life brings are all swept away with every RPM.

I’ve heard words and phrases like, “You’re so strong.” & “warrior” and I’ve rejected them nearly out of hand; opting instead for ‘tenacious’, or ‘resilient’. Because, you see, what those who bestow those phrases see are the highlight reel that social media portrays. I’m slowly learning that what makes me strong is not the highlight reel, not really. It’s in taking on the challenge to begin with. It’s in pushing back against that which cannot be moved. In so doing, creating something extraordinary in the ordinary.