WatchingTedLasso

“Fuckin’ Logan” was a nickname for someone who never knew it was my nickname for him. I was worried, for a time, that I would see him randomly at the coffee machine and would reply to his “Hey”, with “Hiya fuckin’ Logan, how’re you doin’?” Thankfully, that never happened.

The nickname came about as I was replaying my day on the phone to a friend one evening. It was a year ago, yesterday, to be exact, and no wonder I remembered it. At that time, I was in training for junior accountants at a commercial real estate firm alongside someone called Jesse and the aforementioned Logan. Every day we would have a meeting of some sort with the accountant tasked with keeping us on track with our training.

During the meeting on the 11th of September last year, inevitably the topic of commemorating came up and we all three did the “I remember exactly where I was when…”. Except Logan. No, you see, our Logan had no memory of the events of that day because, as he informed us with his chest puffed out, he had no memory to relate because he was in his mother’s tummy. Yes, our Logan, wasn’t even borne yet.

This hit me in multiple unexpected ways, but they sort of served as confirmation of my feelings toward this kid… Firstly, I suppose, was the fact that he was a kid. He was young enough to be my kid and we were in a training consort together. He was fresh out of uni and I had gone back to uni later in life. While that shouldn’t matter, the fact that I was old enough to be his mom threw me for an unpleasant loop.

Secondly, our Logan was very much of the “Bro” culture. In fact, he was probably the “bro-iest” bro in an office environment that felt like a bit like if capitalism were to form a fraternity. Spoiler: It should come as no surprise that I did not stay at said company. But I digress, back to the bro. He was fresh out of uni, wet behind his ears, yet walked with a world-worn posture he had not yet earned. He worked full time at our training program, but had a side hustle as a bartender. He would day trade during any down time in our coursework and would follow the ups and downs of the stock market literally morning, noon and night. To someone who had a “set it and forget it” 401(k) that warranted little to no attention, this was also an annoyance.

Finally, and in hindsight a year on probably the most significant to me, was that, due to the happenstance of his birth he hadn’t gone through the events of that day. He was, as is said, the epitome of blissfully ignorant.

It is true that I will never forget where I was on the 11th of September 2001. In fact, I remember the Monday before vividly. Well, one detail in particular as me being me. The Monday Night Football game the night before featured the Denver Broncos. Not a particular favorite of mine, but I watched because they were a favorite to close friends. It was during this game that John Lynch of the Broncos suffered a career-ending leg injury. And as I watched, I thought what a terrible tragedy for him and for the team. At that moment, I myself was blissfully ignorant of what tragedy would really mean.

I indelibly learned the next day what tragedy looked like and meant and it has shaped me and my world view. I find the memes that come around yearly that say “Never Forget” ironic. How could anyone who was alive at that time forget? Though we wish we could. Though we wish we could move through life as if it never happened to us because we weren’t there to witness it. To be a Logan with the same unwarranted optimism that the world owed you something just be virtue of being in it. The world owes you nothing & just being alive is the gift; not your position in the firm or the gains from the stock market.

Fuckin’ Logan.