WatchingTedLasso

Or: The Gentle Art of Self-Care

As I approached writing this piece, it felt no less jarring than the scratch of a record. As jarring as the episode ‘Beard After Hours’ was to me during Season 2. Fun fact that I recently learned; both Beard After Hours and the Christmas episode during Season 2 were added after the entirety of the season had already been filmed – woven in to round out the same number of episodes as the previous season. There are strong feelings regarding the success of interwoven-ness achieved and if it adds to or detracts from the body of work that is Ted Lasso. But this isn’t a story about a TV show. This is my story…

Just this morning, during a bike ride, the instructor reminded us about the frog in a pot of water on the stove phenomenon. As the water slowly heats, making its way from room temperature to simmering and on to a boil the frog’s nervous system cannot detect the ever-increasing temperature changes. As such, they will perish rather than jump out of the pot on the stove.

As humans, our nervous system is, thankfully, different. But, I’ve found myself in my own pot of water & had to take steps to jump out to save my spirit. My personal pot on the stove is a paradigm shift so enormous and so sudden that it’s taken me months after Charlie’s passing to realize I’m not only in the water, but it is always, always simmering.

From the moment Charlie took his last breath to the moment after, it is not hyperbole to say my whole world changed. Every notion of how my life would look being married to him was suddenly gone. Taking on life as a duo suddenly all fell on my shoulders. And while I do have broad shoulders, the shift in perspective has been as unsettling as finding a night club in the basement of a church.

Creating a life of my own, a new paradigm for what I want that to look like is, frankly, exhausting. There is an endless amount of “to dos” and “what’s next” that involve time lines, looming dead lines and logistics added to what can already be a busy life. Each task can take a toll, both physically and spiritually draining on your soul. Each task can also remind you of your strength – and some days you stand proud on the building blocks of your own resiliency.

I’ve learned that while we’re not frogs, we also can’t live in the pot of water full-time; going from one accomplishment to the next. Like the frog, it isn’t life-sustaining.

So what did I do to jump out?

Just for one day, I harkened back to something Charlie introduced into my life. It was dubbed the “Wake n Bake” and as the name denotes, it involves help from my local dispensary. The original idea behind the Wake n Bake is to just take a break from life – for one day – to unplug from responsibilities and fully embrace the joy that is watching mindless movies, eating delicious snacks, and napping – all in an effort to renew body and spirit.

I just used the word “effort” and that wasn’t by accident. For some of us, relaxing does take effort. I know it does for me. I’ve had to gently remind myself to put down tasks taken up; to know that they will still be there tomorrow. Surprisingly, there’s a bit of comfort in that. Tasks will always be there. Your job is not to conquer it all like some dragon-slaying Super Widow. Your job is to take care of yourself. Because you’re still here.

What does taking care of yourself look like for you? Perhaps it’s the Wake n Bake – or your own version. Maybe it’s dancing like Beard, hula hoop optional. For you it could be reading, or having a bath, or a drink, or a toke or an orgasm and a nap. Or it could be all of the above. All of the above is kind of my favorite. As long as whatever you choose isn’t hurting anyone else or you, embrace the self-care. In my eyes it honors the one you lost, because you’re doing what they can’t be here to do – take care of someone they love.

Because, hopefully, after we’ve knocked on the scary door of life and been lead down the dark tunnel, not knowing what we’ll find on the other side, we find our own version of a football pitch – our own field of dreams. Where we can envision our new life with child-like wonder and joy.